It has been said that we spend the last 50 years of our lives recovering from the first 18. Our childhood experiences heavily influence our level of confidence and self-esteem. While these qualities can be increased later in life, it can be challenging to repair the hurt we may have experienced in our youth, especially if we continue to inflict that hurt upon ourselves as adults.
Use the following techniques in your everyday life or as a visualization to help build up your inner child and yourself. If you are a parent, apply these techniques with your children to help build their confidence and self-esteem along with your own.
How to give your inner child a fresh start:
- Show your inner child unconditional love 100% of the time. Let your inner child know they're accepted exactly as they are. If your parents or other caregivers withheld love because of poor performance, you may be repeating this discouraging pattern of beating yourself up. It's important for your inner child to know they're fully supported at all times.
- Give your inner child more control. Let your inner child choose an activity for the day or contribute to some tasks you need to do. Making contributions and decisions helps one feel valued and build trust in themselves.
- Help your inner child achieve a goal. Is there something your inner child has wanted to do but couldn't at the time? Well, what about now? Whether the goal was to carve a pumpkin or make the tennis team, help your inner child fulfill a desire. Show your inner child the value of focus, effort, and follow-through in influencing one's path. (But it's just as important to help your inner child deal with disappointment when things don't work out according to plan.)
- Teach your inner child to do new things. The more capable we become, the more confidence and self-esteem we possess. Help your inner child to feel more capable by learning new skills. Is there something the younger you never learned to do or always avoided? Learn something new that might delight your inner child.
- Compliment and praise your inner child frequently. We all stand a little taller when we hear something positive about ourselves. Address the things your inner child has done well. Give praise freely—even more so if you find praising yourself difficult.
- Give your inner child a few chores. Require your inner child to do a few age-appropriate chores around the house, at work or in some other part of your life where needed. Does your inner child need a little more discipline? Does your adult self need more play? Put your inner child in charge of an appropriate task to help develop discipline or self-soothing skills.
- Avoid shaming your inner child. Making anyone feel bad about themselves creates distance, walls, and resentment. If you carry shame from the past, teach your inner child that behavior that may have been deemed as incorrect or unacceptable doesn't make them a bad person.
- Include your inner child when addressing family or personal issues. Listen to your inner child's opinion. You might find that your inner child's point of view sometimes offers the best solution. At the very least, you'll boost your inner child's confidence, feeling of importance, and sense of feeling seen and heard.
- Set a good example. Take care of your own needs. Be kind and patient with yourself. Set boundaries. Treat yourself the way you'd like your inner child to have been treated. Show your inner child what confidence and self-esteem look like.
- Give your inner child attention. Make time for your inner child—and make it a priority. Put work and worries aside for a bit. Regularly put quality time front and center to embrace, engage, and encourage your inner child.
Many childhood issues can contribute to a poor self-image and a lack of self-confidence as adults. These issues can also negatively impact our coping strategies and emotional intelligence. Changing the relationship with and narrative around your inner child can help build the self-confidence and self-esteem needed to be happy and successful. It's never too late to start casting your inner child and yourself in a new, more confident story.