Emotions are a natural and useful part of our makeup. They help us make decisions and are crucial for successful relationships of all forms. Yet, many people struggle to express their emotions or even be comfortable feeling their emotions. Expressing our emotions can make us feel too exposed, and some people may even consider emotions as a sign of weakness. The reality is, it is the inability to handle and express emotions that create the greatest vulnerability.
How, then, do we balance the good and bad of emotions and learn to express them instead of resisting them?
Try these tips:
1. The first step is to identify your feelings. Many people seldom investigate their emotions as they occur. We make snap judgments and react impulsively to them without thinking. Such emotions tend to cloud our thoughts and behavior.
- Embrace your feelings and reflect on them instead of suppressing them.
- Take some time to pinpoint how you feel in a given situation.
- Explore those emotions in detail. This action helps to create a better understanding.
2. Resist the urge to judge your emotions. We tend to jump to conclusions and label our emotions as good or bad. For example, we might begin to feel angry over a situation but then feel guilty because of it or blame ourselves for being irrational.
- Instead of judging your emotions, observe them like a neutral bystander. Avoid trying to make sense of them right away.
- Realize that your feelings are not facts. Because you feel one way does not mean it's the truth. When you resist the urge to judge a feeling, it evolves naturally, and you can express it better.
3. Find ways to express your feelings mindfully and safely. Everyone responds to emotions differently. Expressing your feelings can help you feel less frustrated, angry, or upset. You may have some strategies that you use to help you feel better. Regardless of your method, focus on expressing your emotions rather than judging yourself for having them. Some ways to express your feelings are:
- Write them down (in a journal or letter, for example)
- Speak to a friend
- Expressing them through art (painting, music, dance, poetry, etc).
4. Practice pausing. When you feel emotions, such as anxiety, anger, frustration, or stress, they can take over your mind (and literally hijack your brain) if you are unable to regulate them. As a result, you might start reacting to your feelings by lashing out instead of expressing them constructively. Instead of letting your negative emotions take over, try using some techniques to help you control them.
- Take a pause and count to 10 (or 100 if you need to!). A few minutes of pausing can give you time to collect your thoughts and calmly make a decision.
- Do some deep, slow, and rhythmic breathing to help you calm down, release tension, and let go of anger, anxiety or other strong emotions.
Emotional outbursts or repression can be damaging. They can damage your relationship, job, or your health. In severe cases, these behaviors can lead to dangerous situations. So, no matter what emotion you're feeling, try to keep calm, be respectful of others and yourself, and maintain a safe space.
Need more help? Take my emotional intelligence course, 10 Steps Forward to help you master your emotions.
If you're struggling to resolve emotional issues, explore therapy. New York and New Jersey residents can seek therapy with me or my colleagues through Let's Talk Psychological Wellness.